TIDBITS
... of humorous stories

"Would You Believe?"

      A man convicted of sexually abusing a child was given probation, not jail time, because the judge felt he would be sexually abused in prison by other inmates because of his small stature (note: 5 ft. 1 in.).

Hmmm...My question is how tall was the child?


_________________________

The baby's birth weight broke all records at 39 lbs., 4 oz.

It seems Ronny was on one of his goodwill tours when he met a counter technician (cashier), Glenda Wilson. One thing led to another and she was super sized.

Even with overtime she was barely making enough to starve to death, so Ronny lovingly gave her $15,000 in free McDonald's food coupons.

Unfortunately, she didn't choose items from the healthy menu (healthy menu?) and went from 108 to 321 pounds. by the time the baby was born.

The child came equipped a with full head of hair, teeth and size 16 feet.

They named the baby boy McFooty, and it is predicted he will follow in his father's footsteps.


_________________________

Just when you thought it was safe to go out, New York City Mayor Bloomberg announced that nine hundred more Indianapolis 500 drivers have been hired to man the infamous taxi fleet.

It is the largest expansion of cabs in seventy-years but was only approved after a twelve minute study verified it would not amplify any environmental concerns.

The kamikaze driving brigade will now be thirteen thousand members strong, willing to kill or be killed to get you to your destination on time.

The outcry of concern over the increase in traffic was immediately addressed.

The Mayor justified his decision for expansion by explaining that the traffic light sequences on the avenues running north to south would be adjusted to relieve bottlenecking.

In laymen terms it means that when you are traveling on east-to-west streets across Manhattan, you will sit at a red light for approximately the rest of your life. In fact, a few enterprising real estate brokers have parked winnebagoes on these streets and are advertising them as permanent one bedroom condos, close to shopping and the theatre.


_________________________

A Mrs Cummings was diagnosed with bleeding ulcers, and urged by her physician to immediately quit her fourteen cups of coffee a day habit.

She is now smoking a pack a day to calm her caffeine nerves.

How about another TidBit?

Click Here